Will You Be My (Pretend) Boyfriend?

I asked the dude from Sleigh Bells to be my pretend boyfriend last night. To be fair, I had absolutely no idea it was him.

In yet another hilarious misadventure of my singlehood, I stopped by Roebling Sporting Club to visit Ryan, who I’ve known since my IUP days and manages the bar, for a drink following a lovely BBQ at a friend’s quaint Greenpoint patio. I don’t often frequent the bar alone, but I make a special exception to hang at Ryan’s bar because it’s just about the only time we can see each other.

Anyway, minutes before the NFL Hall of Fame game comes on, a dude wearing a black hoodie and shorts walks in and posts up at the bar next to me on the right. Ryan introduces me to Derek. Derek and I strike up a nice conversation. He seems like a cool guy. Shortly thereafter, another guy walks in and sits down directly next to me on the left. Coincidentally, his name is also Derek (sp?). Derek on the left tells me he likes my ONLY hat and so we talk about skateboarding and snowboarding and then eventually tattoos. But he was kind of aggressive, and I was unimpressed.

At this point, I’m desperately seeking out Ryan’s eyes to give him the “help me I don’t want to talk to this guy anymore” signal, but alas Ryan was busy. I turn to Derek on my right. He immediately senses my plea, and I blurt out, “Yeah, can you just pretend to be my boyfriend?” Derek on the right obliged with a laugh. We continue our conversation.

It wasn’t until later that I learned Derek on the right is a musician. Later in the conversation, I finally ask if he’s in a band to which he responds, “Do you know Sleigh Bells?” (obvi) and then “I was also in Poison the Well.” Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “UHM WHAT?! Only in New York. ONLY IN NEW YORK can you be sitting at a bar and strike up a conversation with the dude in a super famous Brooklyn band and ask him to be your pretend boyfriend.”  Seriously, Jana?!

4 thoughts on “Will You Be My (Pretend) Boyfriend?

  1. You met Derek Miller?! Grrr… I hope you can feel my envy from here, Jana. Poison the Well is one of my favorite Hardcore bands of all time. I’ve seen them countless times now. Was majorly depressed when Derek split off.


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